I’m a big believer in learning lessons from all kinds of situations that happen in business, particularly the things that didn’t turn out so well. In this blog, I want to talk about toxic clients and what to do if you find yourself in a situation where you’re dealing with something you never signed up for.
Let’s talk about toxic clients
Spend time on LinkedIn or talk to people in networking sessions and you’ll probably get the success stories. You’ll hear about personal growth, business growth, and tales of people feeling so lucky to be working with the most amazing clients. But what about the other side of the coin? When you work with a client who constantly moves the goal posts, gives you mixed messages, ghosts you for long periods of time, takes an age to pay invoices, or doesn’t deliver what they promised. Yes, sometimes it’s a case of crossed wires or a client being so busy that they overlook things. But equally, sometimes, clients are toxic, and you end up in a situation where what they are asking you to deliver looks very different from what was agreed on at the beginning.
I think it’s really important to talk about what to do when things go bad, because so many people, particularly the self-employed, ignore the alarm bells and overlook the red flags because they want or need the work. I’ve recently been in such a situation and I wanted to share with you what I learned, and some advice on how to deal with it.
Lessons learned
My recent experience was not pleasant experience for me, but it did teach me some valuable lessons.
To always have a ‘beginner mind’
There’s a Buddhist concept about adopting ‘beginner mind’ which means being open-minded, and not prejudging or making assumptions. I assumed that the client was an organisation that shared my values; so I prejudged them but in a positive way. I think I should have been more open-minded and open to the possibility that all was not what it seemed.
I should have brought more of my attention to what was happening
When things were going bad, the signs were there. I should have done something at the very first sign that all was not well. I should have questioned the thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations I was experiencing about the situation. In hindsight, I probably would have sought out a sounding board earlier on so I could get another perspective on what was happening.
To be more assertive with my boundaries
There were several occasions where I know now that I should have been more assertive with my boundaries. Such as when I asked for a written agreement detailing the terms of us working together, right at the beginning. It didn’t come and that left me feeling unheard, unsupported, and like I wasn’t valued.
How to deal with a toxic client
For anyone else who is in a situation with a toxic client, I’d say that first thing to do is create some space to listen to yourself and what you’re thinking about the situation. Sometimes we ignore that gut feeling or internal alarm that tells us something isn’t right. I’m not sure I wanted to believe what was really happening because I valued the opportunity to do something good so much.
Having a sounding board is also really important and being able to get good advice and an outside perspective on a situation from people you can trust is really valuable. Then there’s the importance of setting boundaries. I know that at the point that I asked about having a written agreement in place and it didn’t come, I should have said to the client ‘let’s stop until something is in place.’ That would have set out expectations right from the beginning and made it easier to see when those expectations weren’t being met.
Unfortunately in business, dealing with toxic clients and situations can be part of the journey. But by listening to your gut instincts, being firm about your boundaries, seeking advice from someone you trust, and bringing awareness to how you actual feel about what’s happening, you can bring about positive change or leave the situation with the confidence of knowing you have done the right thing.
