“Show Notes”
On this podcast, Maureen talks about how, when handled well, conflict can positively impact the individual, a team and the business. She also talks about what is involved in handling conflict well.
“Show transcription”
Hello, I’m Maureen O’Callaghan, founder of Beyond Money, a business that aims to change the way people do business by teaching them the art of doing business beyond money.
In this series of podcasts, I’m going to cover some key themes that will help business owners thrive in work and in life, do some good, and discover that their purpose goes way beyond money.
On today’s episode, I’ll be talking about resolving conflict.
Working in a supportive environment where we have positive relationships with all our colleagues is an ideal situation for most of us. Sadly, most of us will have had our experience of work affected by conflict. Workplace conflict is a common occurrence; a 2020 CIPD survey of employees found that over a third of respondents had experienced interpersonal conflict in the workplace over the last year.
When it’s not handled properly, conflict can hurt performance and productivity as well as affecting the emotional wellbeing of those involved.
So what causes conflict? It can be caused by all sorts of different things and it occurs in different forms, from a simple difference of opinion to more insidious forms of bullying and harassment.
When I look back over my career, the things that cropped up time and time again to stir up conflict were bad management, people being treated unfairly, and people being unclear on what was expected of them, and not getting the training they needed to do the job. Poor communication was always a big cause of conflict too and that can be made worse by a poor work environment, where people don’t get equal opportunities, for example. I know that as a woman, I certainly experienced being overlooked.
Of course, it’s all too easy to get hung up on thinking that all conflict is bad; it’s not. There are some situations where conflict can be a good thing. When managed well, healthy disagreements can have lots of positive outcomes such as getting people thinking creatively, creating opportunities to learn and grow, improving relationships, and making the workplace more inclusive. Bringing people together who have different perspectives can certainly lead to healthy discussion, new ideas, and innovative problem-solving.
The key to getting these positive outcomes is getting over your fear of conflict. Nobody loves conflict and most people want to be liked. I’d say focus on respecting others and earning respect, and forget about trying to be liked. You can disagree with someone without being unkind. You’ll find that most people are willing to hear a different point of view when it is offered respectfully.
So definitely, if you want to resolve conflict well, you need to recognise and accept that you will probably feel uncomfortable at first. Say for example, you’re experiencing conflict with a colleague. You need to communicate with them, but only do so when you are ready. Emotions can be high in conflict situations, so only enter into a conversation about the issue you need to resolve when you feel balanced. Try a little mindfulness beforehand if you can; it doesn’t have to be anything fancy. It can be simply a few moments where you try to focus on your breath.
When you have the conversation, stick to talking about the behaviour you aren’t happy with. Don’t make it personal and don’t go on the attack as this will only provoke defensiveness in the other person. Make sure you give them time to speak and listen to them in order to understand their perspective, even if it is tempting to jump in. Throughout the conversation, identify the points you agree and disagree on, and prioritise the areas of conflict that are causing the most problems. Work together to develop a plan to deal with each, and make sure you follow through! Once you sort one thing out, it gets easier to sort out the next issue.
Working on learning how to handle conflict well is certainly not easy, but it’s worth it. From my experience, when it’s handled well, it leads to better performance and it improves motivation. People trust each other more, working relationships are stronger, people are more likely to stay with the business, and there’s less stress, absenteeism, and presenteeism. If conflict is mishandled, it can have the opposite effect and the negative feeling can spread like a virus in teams.
I remember one incidence where the way I handled conflict had a positive outcome. There was a person in my workplace who I felt wasn’t treating me with the respect I deserved. I remember that instead of reacting to the situation, I took the time to respond.
I took time out to think about the situation, what I was thinking, and what I was feeling. I questioned by thoughts…Is it true? What evidence do I have? Then when I got things clear in my mind, I approached the person assertively, explaining the behaviour I was unhappy with, how I felt, and what I wanted them to do if we were going to maintain our working relationship. The person had not been aware of the effect their behaviour was having, and they apologised and worked with me to establish a better working relationship.
Nobody likes conflict, but the worst things managers who are struggling to deal with it in their teams can do is either mishandle it or bury their heads in the sand. According to the CIPD survey I mentioned earlier, less than half of employees who had experienced conflict in the workplace said it had been fully resolved. Of these people, many reported that their manager had made the situation worse rather than helping to resolve it. So for managers who want to handle conflict well, don’t ignore it, deal with it as quickly as possible and try to do it informally. Be ready to bring both parties together, but speak to them individually before you do so. And try your best to remove other people from the situation if you can. Conflict can snowball if too many people are involved; fewer people will make it far easier to resolve.
That’s it for this episode of the Beyond Money podcast. I hope you’ve enjoyed listening to my wisdom and you feel more confident about resolving conflict well.
See you next time!
